It's YOU!

I wish I could reach into my head tonight and splatter the images from last night into this blog. That all the text from the dialog, and all the amazing pictures in my mind could come together on their own and form a cohesive story of what last night was.
Bonding, amazing, searing....FUCKING HILARIOUS!
Where to start? Well, we were supposed to be going out to some parties last night, but Malcolm hurt himself...bad. He messed up his back, and could not walk well, and was obviously in a significant amount of pain. For a man who is Mr Physical Fitness, and at the top of his game with his body, it was odd to see him so taken down by the breadth of his pain. But even thru that, even with the fact that he was miserable...he didn't let me down. He didn't cancel on me, didn't blow me off. He proved all the naysayers wrong last night because he came thru yet again, and made my night even though we had to alter our plans. He'd taken vicodin earlier in the day, and was quite groggy when I picked him up. We drove home, but he made us stop at the supermarket because he'd decided he needed to err....eradicate some hair. I'm thinking that was a total vicodin induced delusion...but he actually did it...he is now hair free in a most private location.
When we got home, I made him pizza so that I could stuff him full of food and jack him up on ibuprofen. He decided that he'd be a most difficult patient...wanting to do things that would most certainly injure him further. What is it about injured or sick men that think they can...u know? LOL, after I'd fed him, medicated him, and tucked him into bed, we settled in to read some romance books. I read him one of my favorite passages from Lora Leigh, something I was sure would get him rock hard...it was about Cat Men, quite edgy and hardcore, with graphic language and lots of demanding tear me up harder sex. As I finished the sentence "For Christ's Sake, if you're gonna fuck me, FUCK ME, and stop teasing me to death! MORE!!" I heard his wheezing laughter and he choked out..."My GOD, that's not a fantasy for a man, it's a FUCKING NIGHTMARE! Thank god the poor bastard in that story has a barb in his penis cuz he sure as hell can't offer that bitch anything else that will satisfy her!". I was speechless, and all of a sudden the absurdity of it hit me like a truck full of cement. I couldn't breathe because I was laughing so hard. I tried to finish reading, but every word, every sentence was further proof of Malcolm's observation. The male character grimacing, his neck muscles standing in relief was really saying that the guy was in physical agony because he'd already given everything he had realistically and the greedy female character was ever demanding more. Thank god he did have that barb. LOLOL, holy shit I'm laughing about it all over again. And he's ruined a perfectly good sex passage in a book now...perhaps more than one if the phenomena carries over when I reread them. So much for personal satisfaction time!!
We made love gently at first, tender, and giving. He assumed his most favorite pastime, and well...who am I to complain...really now? And thru it all...the endearments, and THE WORDS. Knowingly said, repeated, hammered into my brain. Demanding my answer, "DO YOU KNOW?" He knows my confusion. He knows my doubts, and he just puts them to bed the same way he refuses to let my body NOT cum, refuses to let me stop at one. Persistence. OMG, the things we did together, the levels he pushes me to....so sexy, so erotic, so outside of the damn box that I can't believe sometimes that it's me enjoying myself like that. But he wanted me to end the night knowing it was real, knowing I could rely on him to take care of me, and of my feelings. And he trusts me to do the same for him. And I want to. He's turning the tide for me, making my treasured memories have lots of HIM in them so that it's not always the past coming up to choke me...literally. He gives me everything he knows I need, and a lot of what I never fathomed I wanted, until he showed me. I'd love to remain aloof...but I really just can't. He makes it most impossible.
He spent the night wrapped around me....NOT snoring in my ear. Thank the heavens for little mercies. What a most beautiful and amazing weekend. Thank you, Malcolm, for being the man you promise to be. Yes, I KNOW, baby...It's you. Do YOU KNOW? Do You Know HOW FUCKING MUCH??
Yours.