I spent some time with an old friend this weekend, someone I've not seen in a long time, and who is very dear to me. Life had gotten in the way, I suppose. He's been off doing his thing in his world, and I've been cavorting with stalkers and bunny loving man whores in my world. LOL. Just as a side note, I've gotten more feedback from people on my blog about my friend Kiko. I honestly think he's moving up to blog celebrity-hood. Anyways, it was really nice to spend some time with this guy, who I'll name Jachin for our purposes. Jachin and I shared some relationship time once, and it was pretty intense. So seeing him is bittersweet at times, and may be why it's been awhile. I don't think I've ever completely lost touch with anyone I've dated. We've always managed to keep a working relationship, at the minimum, a friendship where we can catch up when it's convenient.
Jachin has kept up with me thru my blogs, as most of my friends do. Incidentally, he loved the Kiko blog too. As we spent time Christmas shopping this weekend, and the driving started getting a little tough because of the storm, I had a rough time seeing. The windshield was freezing up, and my eyes, seeing the halos that they do when the light is bad and oncoming traffic headlights refract in my vision, only saw streaks of pretty lights in the ice. Jachin asked me if I was having issues, and I was unable to put the problem into words for him in a timely enough fashion, it seems. So he asked me if I was out playing with Kiko's bunnies. LOL, that did it for me and made me choke on laughter.
Jachin and I always had that easy kind of friendship. We'd always laugh and banter, and be able to sit beside each other in easy silence or do our own thing. He was usually a good listener, more of a good listener when we became friends as opposed to being girlfriend and boyfriend. I always felt that there was something about a real relationship that smothered him. He was more the kind of guy that wanted his freedom and his choices. He's alot like Mr in that respect, and perhaps that's the pattern of men I need to break in my life. The kind of man that loves you, but can't love ONLY you. I get it, and it makes me also understand Mr that much more as time goes by.
What most impressed me about this weekend was that Jachin took care of me in the storm. He didn't have to. But my windshield wipers were shit, and he knew it, and he bought me new ones. He put them on for me, and he bought me windshield de-icer. He drove for me. He bought me lunch too. When I dropped him off, I had to use his bathroom, and as I made my way back to the car we stopped for a moment and hugged. And that hug is what made this blog happen. Because in that moment, I remembered every good thing about him, and felt like I was home again. It's a guilty feeling, but one that happened, nonetheless. Perhaps because so many years have passed, and the hurt of the breakup is long gone, but I remembered what being happy with him was like, and it was an amazing thing. Would I go back? No, because I'm happy with Malcolm. But I know I am loved and cared for still, and it is one more thing that warms my winter heart.
I know I have many men in my life that love and care for me and I am truly one of the luckiest women alive. First and foremost, Malcolm. I love him with my whole heart and absolutely adore him. Mr, I know, still cares for me in his Mr kind of way. Kiko loves my audacious big girl self, and loves me more when I do take time to play with his bunnies. LOL. Jachin has shown me that he will always be there if I need him, and will always take care of me no matter what he has going on in his life. Balor still loves me too, as the friends that we always were, and will continue to be. We'll always dance that intricate dance of ours, and maybe incorporate our partners at some distant time. I have my brothers, Chris, Jeff, and a slew of others I'm too tired to think of right now. And I say again, I love you all. Yes Mr, even you. All of my mens have my love and friendship because you've all shown me your love and friendship over this year, no matter the bad spots that might have come with it. My winter heart has room. Our winter castle invites you in. From the Ice Prince and Princess, happy Solstice, happy Yule, many many more to come.
And to Jachin, I can't come home now, but thank you for showing me it's still there.
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