Gotta Have Faith

For two nights now, I've been struggling with what to write. I knew I had a blog inside of me that had to come out, but I couldn't find the path, couldn't find the story that needed to be told. I've made some assertions in the last few months, and I mean to stick by them, no matter who, no matter what. One assertion was that my blogs are for me, and written because I am a blogger, plain and simple. As necessary as breathing, eating, and enjoying the erotic arts, is writing to me. The other assertion was that I was not, nor have I ever been engaging in a so-called "blog war". The temptation is there, and it makes me struggle. Nights like last night make me want to strike verbal blows against the ignorant and grade-schoolish behavior that is so eagerly displayed.....like it is a trait to be admired. My Sims have a social feature listed under "Mean". They can go "Nyah Nyah"....this is the kind of behavior I'm referring to. So I took some time to try and let it go. I followed the proper channels, let Mr. know his passwords have been breached again, and just calmly and rationally let him know that adolescent games do bother me because as I try to breathe, and let go, and just let him be him....and let me be me, the daggers and salt make it infinitely harder to stop being pissed, and bitter and filled with rage. We had a great conversation, and he apologized. The fault isn't his this time, but he accepted responsibility because he does care about my feelings still....and that is something. Because in the end...shit on your shoe is just that...shit. You have to wipe it up and toss it in the garbage where it belongs.
Part of moving on is separating yourself and making the memories stop hurting. Tonight on American Idol...(congrats to David Cook by the way...he was my choice, and NO, I didn't friggin vote) I saw a performer that still has the ability to touch my girlishness. Someone who's songs became intrinsic to our relationship, and our myriad breakups. George Michael came out on stage and performed a song from "Listen Without Prejudice"...one of my all time favorite albums of his. He made me giddy inside to see him again, even though he's aged tons, and couldn't really sing because he was sporting a bad cold. But to hear the idols sing Freedom, and Father Figure, and Faith...it was one of those memories that curls in the pit of your stomach like warmed cognac....
That's all I wanted
Something special, something sacred
In your eyes
For just one moment
To be bold and naked, At your side
Sometimes I think that you'll never
Understand me
Maybe this time is forever
Say it can be

That's all you wanted
Something special, someone sacred
In your life
Just for one moment
To be warm and naked, At my side
Sometimes I think that you'll never
Understand me
But something tells me together
We'd be happy

I'd listen to that in the car, Mr, and it was you and me in those hushed words. Both of us wanting and needing something the other never truly understood, and finally coming to understand that it was great because it was tender, and loving, and heated... So listening to it tonight, knowing that you do care in your way....made me understand the path of the story, the tone of the blog. Again, it's never been a war on my side because these words, like I told you 10,000 times....are for you. I'm glad of your successes yesterday, and proud that you are taking control. Thank you for your encouragement and wonderment towards the stories I wrote for you. And thank you for dealing with the daggers in my back for me. Somehow your Capulets found my courtyard too.