Repeat Performance

So, noticeably, my blogs haven't mentioned Malcolm much of late. Communication between two people who are phone-less gets a little strange. There was also the nefarious email incident where the aforementioned woman who fancies herself in love with him sent him a "Dearest Malcolm" letter, but inadvertently emailed it to the entirety of my new yahoo group. It reeked of Mr. and Psycho bitch all over again, and I was ready to throw my hands up and say FUCK THIS! Of course this was also the same damn day Mr made his infamous Car comment, and the whole fucking day reeked of men being assholes, if you asked me. On that day I'd resolved to toss all the assholes to the wind...Malcolm, Mr, my brother....you name it. I'm sure if another man had pissed me off that day his name would have been on the list as well. Well, Mr of course wouldn't let that happen, and virtually pestered me to death until I would talk to him again. "When MY Dots gets back in your head, make sure to have her call me." Taunting until I yelled, and railed at him, and then told him what was REALLY bothering me. So he'd throw out "are ya just gonna roll over and play dead, or are ya gonna even try to fight for it?". And that pissed me off because it felt like he was asking that as a double entendre, like maybe I didn't fight for him enough, even though I KNOW I did. But even thinking about that, thinking about how much I really liked Malcolm, and how fun it was to be with him....I really was ready to just roll over and let nature take it's course. Until Malcolm called. He knew....knew I was on the line, and he knew just how to yank my chain to make me want to fight.
I can't change the feelings of women, or what they THINK they feel. In THIS scenario, the woman in question wasn't really wanting Malcolm so much until she saw us together, and now she is feeling like her friend and playtoy is slipping away from her. Malcolm has made it very clear that the decision is his to make, and it's not up to me to try and make it for him, or her either. I get that. But for me to be in this predicament...AGAIN.....uhh, no thanks. So I let him know that it was too close to the relationship I've tried to leave behind me to have to play the same role over again. I DON'T want to be fighting with another psycho. One in a lifetime is enough! I need him to be unencumbered, and free. AND, I don't want my Primary relationship to consist of worrying and hiding my activities so that no one finds out we're together, or playing, or whatever, because that reeks of Mr. as well, and I don't want that life anymore. I want to simply be happy with my man, and be able to share that happiness with the world. Today, Malcolm gave me that.
People have always stared at Malcolm & I when we're together. Maybe they envy me his very considerate attention...his hand on my waist, holding my hand, kissing my neck as he comes up to hug from behind. Maybe they wonder how we ended up together. People often begrudge a gorgeous man like him being with a big girl. He'd once texted me, at the very beginning "Everywhere we go women will hate you, and men will want you." I'd thought he was being a bit vain, but damned if it wasn't a frigging prophecy. I'm willing to fight the bitches that try to get to him because they covet. I anticipate a big hooha coming up in the fall, and I'm good with that. But I just couldn't fuck with someone who was there before me and trample her because she's a good person at heart. And she deserves respect, consideration, and friendship. Now that he's handled the situation (and thank you Malcolm for actually HANDLING it and not just letting it go), everyone is good. Mr should take some lessons on this one, his life would have been so much easier, LOL. I suppose the difference is that Malcolm has always been honest, almost to a fault. He may be blunt, but I understand that, and tho it may cause hurt feelings initially, in the end he isn't being accused of being a LIAR. I probably shouldn't compare the situations, but they are my mens, and the comparisons are inevitable. Well, and it isn't anything Mr & I haven't chomped on during our Dot in the Pocket sessions.
Malcolm wants us to go forward with our plans. I actually posted more of our photos today, and am becoming more active in the community to that end again. I'm looking forward to it, and hope to God my faith isn't misplaced. If it all goes to hell, I'll just blame it on Mr. He's used to that anyways. LOLOL
Speaking of Mr, his psycho troll was at it again, crashing his accounts, forwarding emails I'd sent him to herself, then back to me with obscene titles like "go fuck yourself and leave us alone". LOLOL And then lying to Mr about it to his face. He was so livid, but then she had a family tragedy and now he feels he can't address her behavior. Here's some basic computer/internet/emailing facts...emails leave trails, and the trails embed themselves within the message. Sent Folders have memories, and Yahoo Groups have Account Administrator logs. As I'm the Group Manager, all group membership activity is time stamped and recorded for my records. All requests to leave my group are emailed to my attention. Text trails, time trails, account administrator trails... silly thing. Oh, and copying and pasting a blog entry into an email leaves a trail too. FYI. If she knew what he thought about her in those moments of realization of her antics, I should think she'd be horrified enough to stop and act like a normal human being. It certainly isn't how you become TRUSTED AND LOVED!
Christ I hate liars.

The Real Reason

So, months later, and after I had an issue with someone else, the real reason why 5 years crumbled away hit me like a ton of bricks, and came out of his own mouth. He valued the car more than he valued me.
Whatever.

Secrets & Lies

BFF & I were having a conversation the other day about secrets and lies, and how he is so very good at them, and how I am so very bad. I hate keeping secrets, cuz eventually they creep out without you meaning them too, and they cause the worst consequences imaginable. Lies, on the other hand are even more work because not only do you have to remember that you told them, you have to remember who you told them to, and what they consisted of. And you have to have that poker face. Everyone has secrets that they keep, for various reasons. I have one I never told Mr. in 5 years, that I will never tell him in this lifetime. I'll take that one to my grave. He has lots of secrets...or he prefers to call them omissions. Lies by omission? I supposed whatever you call it, he keeps things from me, and from other people in his life. I supposed the vanilla facade I have to keep up around my family is a lie of omission. And sometimes those are necessary evils to carry on in the world.
I do know that I can't lie straight faced to save my life. Mr always knew when something was off, and badgered the fuck out of me until I confessed. Conversely, I always knew when he was lying, but only got him to cop to it when he was drunk. Bourbon is his truth serum, and one can find out anything if you wait till he's on the verge of passing out after he's had some. LOL! I'll get nailed for divulging that secret.
Currently, I hold secrets that I've been asked not to blog about. I honor those requests because they were made by friends who don't want flack about their "stuff". I get that. It's tough sometimes though to not shout it out and be able to take joy from those moments. They did bring joy to all of us, and I wish the world, or people, weren't so narrow minded to inflict consequences on people for implied wrongdoings. I also hold a few of Mr's secrets. Not many mind you, because I've done a pretty thorough job of hanging his ass on the clothesline a few times. But he's been a trooper thru it all, and for the few things he's begged not to make public, I feel like I can honor that. Plus, it may be blackmail later on! MWAHAHAHA! (J/K BFF!!)
Malcolm and I aren't at the stage of our friendship where we are divulging secrets. We're still trying to find out about each others past, hopes, all that STUFF. It's nice actually...comfortable. Easy conversation without any weight behind it. He has talked about his past, which has some serious baggage in it...as do we all, true? But the secret phase...well, we've had to be CAUTIOUS of our liaison because of a woman in our lives that fancies herself in love with him. It has caused some hurt feelings already, and has had to be addressed at least twice so far. I wouldn't equate cautious with secret...we've made no secrets about our mutual attraction and affection. But we aren't trying to be in her face either.
My goal in life is to live as honestly and as straightforward as possible. Obviously it's a work in progress, and the more I surround myself with honest, straightforward people, the easier it will be to accomplish. I think what I disrespect and despise most of all is people that will lie to your face, even when you know the truth, and they know you know. But they continue to hold on to the lie instead of copping up and making amends, taking responsibility for their behavior. I've taught my daughter that dealing with a moment of anger is way better than dealing with a lifetime of being known as a liar, where nobody will trust you. She understands completely, especially when I use real life scenarios. Liars just suck, point blank.

Thoughts & Plots

I was chatting with one of my online friends today who was disappointed that yesterday's blog didn't have an appropriate photo. He took it upon himself to provide said photo...and what a job he did. LOL, thank you, you rascal for finding something truly absurd to illustrate my point. YOU ROCK!! Thank you also for a most entertaining conversation today...and for reassuring me I'm not crazy or imagining things, or blowing it out of proportion.
So I did ok with my sensei's instruction today...if you don't count the above conversation. LOL. Malcolm's back prevented him from hopping on his Ducati and riding for 40 mins. to come and see me today, so I told him I'd keep a running tally...although I'll need a different reward than 60 big 0's...I don't wanna die. That wouldn't serve my nefarious plotting at all!!! What I am most proud of myself for today is that I held my ground with Mr. He called this morning, right on schedule, with the expected grievance that had been passed on to him by the toad that can't seem to leave my business alone and go play nice in the pond. So predictable. I told him very bluntly that I'm not compromising, or making concessions anymore for someone that has absolutely no meaning in my life except for being a nuissance. Like a yellowjacket. My life is mine to live, without hiding my shit from prying eyes, without worrying about offending the toad at every turn. I'm not forcing anyone to read this, they come to my page of their own free will. I'm not emailing and shoving it in her face. This is MY god-damned page, and as I've said before, I'm a real blogger, and I can write what ever the fuck I want to write. Even Mr will tell me that he supports my writing 100%, even when he doesn't necessarily like what he reads. For her to try and hold blame to me is so idiotic as to be laughable. STOP FUCKING READING, RETARD! LOL. Anywho, I also told Mr that he bears no culpability, no reason to bear guilt or blame because he is also not forcing her to read...she's doing it all by herself. Kinda like holding a lit match to your finger tip till it burns, and doing it over and over again...then trying to sue the match company for your own stupidity. I also told him I understood if it meant he had to leave the group. I won't bend on that issue because train wrecks don't support a harmonious environment. <<<POOF! BE GONE!!>>>
Our conversation got a little ugly, and tense. I thought perhaps that this might be the day we drew that line in the sand, the epiode that might have caused an irreparable rift. I underestimate him sometimes though, and it's all good. We have agreed, amicably at last, to disagree on the topic of the toad. I guess that's what having a BFF is all about.
Today gave me some time to also think about my new group, and expand my sense of excitemment about it. I'm seeing so many possibilities, and am working on accomplishing our first get-together. Thanks so damn much to Len & Julia...I LOVE YOU GUYS!! You provided me with 4 years of mentoring on how to have an amazing group. You guys are my highest aspiration.. I can only hope to achieve the excellence you have made your standard. And thank you too to my BFF because he spent energy today helping me contain my growing excitement and not make any stupid mistakes in my plotting stages. He was supportive, realistic, and excited for me. But he was always good like that when I'd take on something that was actually too much for me. Jeezusss, remember the flower conventions??? LOLOL!!!
So now Malcolm and I get to be ambassadors together, being lovers, hosts, and role models of swinging success stories. We already make an amazing swinging team....doing it with him has been the most fulfilling thing about the whole journey. He's so interactive, and present, and wonderful...and he feeds off of me the way I feed off of him. It's all only just beginning, isn't it so damn intoxicating?

Why He's Great for Me

So my temper blew out of control again today, scalding Mr. in the crossfire over the STUPID antics of WHO FUCKING ELSE? I lost it after I saw her stalking my profile on Swingtowns, and even joining a group I started on there. I mean, COME ON. Why can't this bitch just leave me the fuck ALONE??
So Malcolm and I talked tonight, and he used his magic voice...the really deep one that makes me shiver. He knows that makes my blood pressure drop like a stone. And my sensei taught his grasshopper all about wanna be evil prom queens from hell that have never allowed their brains to leave high school and grow the fuck up. And he told me to ignore her. Because every time I react, it gives her a rise. A reason to continue. He says he feels sorry for her because she's obviously a miserable wretch who has to keep looking over her shoulder. He promised me if I am patient...well MORE patient...cuz she has been pulling this shit since DECEMBER of 07, that she will eventually get bored and move on to some new poor bitch that decides to be Mr.'s OBC fuck-slut.
So my job is to ignore. POOF, BE GONE! My magic wand is out, and I am flying to my happy place. Malcolm PROMISED to reward me handsomely tomorrow. He will give me one big O for every hour that I ignore her and allow myself peace. LOL...uhhh YES YES! I love my life...jeeezusssssssss...how can I NOT? What a man.
Yours, baby.

Loud & Proud

NNE BBW Swingers
I'm a proud group owner!!! This special group is for my fellow voluptuous sisters that need to be recognized! I wanted a group where everyone that was a member knew that bbw's are special, beautiful, and so damn sexy. A place where women (and men) can feel comfy in their own skin, and where they are appreciated for EVERYTHING that they are. I can't wait to watch my friends and lovers interact in this group where we take our lifestyle journey to the next level. This has been a long time dream of mine, and I thank FB for inspiring me to just DO it. No time like now, right baby? It's gonna be GREAT!

It's YOU!

I wish I could reach into my head tonight and splatter the images from last night into this blog. That all the text from the dialog, and all the amazing pictures in my mind could come together on their own and form a cohesive story of what last night was.
Bonding, amazing, searing....FUCKING HILARIOUS!
Where to start? Well, we were supposed to be going out to some parties last night, but Malcolm hurt himself...bad. He messed up his back, and could not walk well, and was obviously in a significant amount of pain. For a man who is Mr Physical Fitness, and at the top of his game with his body, it was odd to see him so taken down by the breadth of his pain. But even thru that, even with the fact that he was miserable...he didn't let me down. He didn't cancel on me, didn't blow me off. He proved all the naysayers wrong last night because he came thru yet again, and made my night even though we had to alter our plans. He'd taken vicodin earlier in the day, and was quite groggy when I picked him up. We drove home, but he made us stop at the supermarket because he'd decided he needed to err....eradicate some hair. I'm thinking that was a total vicodin induced delusion...but he actually did it...he is now hair free in a most private location.
When we got home, I made him pizza so that I could stuff him full of food and jack him up on ibuprofen. He decided that he'd be a most difficult patient...wanting to do things that would most certainly injure him further. What is it about injured or sick men that think they can...u know? LOL, after I'd fed him, medicated him, and tucked him into bed, we settled in to read some romance books. I read him one of my favorite passages from Lora Leigh, something I was sure would get him rock hard...it was about Cat Men, quite edgy and hardcore, with graphic language and lots of demanding tear me up harder sex. As I finished the sentence "For Christ's Sake, if you're gonna fuck me, FUCK ME, and stop teasing me to death! MORE!!" I heard his wheezing laughter and he choked out..."My GOD, that's not a fantasy for a man, it's a FUCKING NIGHTMARE! Thank god the poor bastard in that story has a barb in his penis cuz he sure as hell can't offer that bitch anything else that will satisfy her!". I was speechless, and all of a sudden the absurdity of it hit me like a truck full of cement. I couldn't breathe because I was laughing so hard. I tried to finish reading, but every word, every sentence was further proof of Malcolm's observation. The male character grimacing, his neck muscles standing in relief was really saying that the guy was in physical agony because he'd already given everything he had realistically and the greedy female character was ever demanding more. Thank god he did have that barb. LOLOL, holy shit I'm laughing about it all over again. And he's ruined a perfectly good sex passage in a book now...perhaps more than one if the phenomena carries over when I reread them. So much for personal satisfaction time!!
We made love gently at first, tender, and giving. He assumed his most favorite pastime, and well...who am I to complain...really now? And thru it all...the endearments, and THE WORDS. Knowingly said, repeated, hammered into my brain. Demanding my answer, "DO YOU KNOW?" He knows my confusion. He knows my doubts, and he just puts them to bed the same way he refuses to let my body NOT cum, refuses to let me stop at one. Persistence. OMG, the things we did together, the levels he pushes me to....so sexy, so erotic, so outside of the damn box that I can't believe sometimes that it's me enjoying myself like that. But he wanted me to end the night knowing it was real, knowing I could rely on him to take care of me, and of my feelings. And he trusts me to do the same for him. And I want to. He's turning the tide for me, making my treasured memories have lots of HIM in them so that it's not always the past coming up to choke me...literally. He gives me everything he knows I need, and a lot of what I never fathomed I wanted, until he showed me. I'd love to remain aloof...but I really just can't. He makes it most impossible.
He spent the night wrapped around me....NOT snoring in my ear. Thank the heavens for little mercies. What a most beautiful and amazing weekend. Thank you, Malcolm, for being the man you promise to be. Yes, I KNOW, baby...It's you. Do YOU KNOW? Do You Know HOW FUCKING MUCH??
Yours.

Strange Days

It's been a strange week so far. The energy in the air is transforming...and people are antsy. I had a most fabulous Sunday, as I wrote about, but it was followed by a couple days worth of drama and headache. I guess Mr.'s girl isn't the only one capable of cattiness and backstabbing. Malcolm, is...well when I'm with him, and all the voices aren't chattering at me about what a bad decision he is, and how he'll only hurt me, and what a player he is, and all these awful negative things that want to churn your gut until you need to vomit...he is just very simply wonderful. I can't see where there is any lies or deceit because we have nothing to lie or deceive each other about. What I do realize is that all of the people that would see us apart each have their own agendas. The womenfolk because they want to get with HIM, and the menfolk because they want a piece of ME. Malcolm is quite steadfast in his feelings towards me, he's not changing his tune. People are telling HIM I'm a bad deal for him...I'm a head case, I'm not over Mr., and I'll only use him and hurt him until I get back together with Mr. WOW. What an absolute load of...manure. Malcolm and I have had lots of conversations about Mr. Of everyone, he understands my feelings about Mr. the best, and he's been there too. But he also understands that as much as I may care about and have love for my BFF, and still experience sexual feelings for him, that the long term doesn't hold much promise of a reunion with a man that has consistently broken my trust over the years.
I had some other goodbyes to say this week that also made me a bit sad. My life still feels like it's spinning beyond my control some days, and though I've joked that I'll have a whole new life by the end of the year, I never fathomed the changes would be so extensive and all-inclusive. Sometimes it just feels like too much, too fast, too out of control...let me just go to sleep and forget for a little while what a mess things seem to be. But then Malcolm calls me, and his voice is calm, and sure. He's becoming my center, the one steady thing in my world right now that I can count on to be the same. To be consistent. And my god, I love him all the more for it because at least SOMETHING seems to be as I have it pictured in my mind.....I'm not really losing it all the way.
Tomorrow is my interview in Boston. My nerves are shredded from thinking and rethinking the whole deal, and hoping and trying not to hope too much. I feel confident, I know I can do the job and do it well. I know I have a lot to offer this company, and I share their values, and appreciate their concern for their most valuable resource...their employees. I want this job, and I just want to get the final ok so that I can make the accommodations to go ahead with the plan. So my fingers are crossed hard, and I've hardened my heart to accept whatever fate has in store for me. But I know I can do this, if they only give me a chance.
Saturday Malcolm and I are coming out of the closet as a couple. LOL, in full public view, it's a don't look back kind of step. He's tired of what people will say, and doesn't give a damn anymore, and neither do I. He makes me happy. Yes...isn't it just that wonderful and simple.... HE MAKES ME HAPPY. I don't worry about bombs dropping behind my back, I don't worry about psycho bitches, or him falling in love with other women. When he's with me, he's WITH ME, 100% in mind and body. And that is a rare gift to have someone be present in the moment with you like that. Sunday, he held his hand out to me and I took it, because holding his hand is like being on top of the world. He looked at me and THANKED me for holding his hand. I was stunned, because it was MY honor and privilege to have been given a hand to hold...not something that was big in my other relationships, unless it was to tug me along like a lagging errant child. It's that kind of kinetic give and take that makes me want to keep seeing where it's all gonna end up. That and the fact that we are so on the same page when we are together. Like he said today, there are so many conversations we'll never have, simply because we don't need to, we are already understood and THERE.
There is other stuff churning in the back of my mind tonight, and quite possibly in my quest to blog the truth in my life, I should commit it to the page. But it's too ambiguous for me to understand yet, too....out there. But to Paul...thank you for the conversation. What you said, I heard, and took to heart. This is my time, you are correct, and I will use it to purge, and forge, and CLEAN (LOL, bastard), and reshape myself into something MORE, and BETTER. You are such a wonderful guy, and I'm glad you are my friend.
Malcolm, I'm ready too.

Reflection

Look at me, You may think you see
Who I really am, But you'll never know me
Every day It's as if I play a part
Now I see If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart

Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show who I am inside?

I am now in a world where I
Have to hide my heart and what I believe in
But somehow I will show the world
What's inside my heart and be loved for who I am

Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that I'm someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show who I am inside?

There's a heart that must be free to fly
That burns with a need to know
The reason why

Why must we all conceal what we think, how we feel?
Must there be a secret me I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that I'm someone else for all time
When will my reflection show who I am inside?
When will my reflection show who I am inside?

So Much Love

What a week, what a holiday. I'm a bit shell-shocked this morning, and holy God, it is morning. I was wrapped in a cocoon of love over the past 3 days, and right now, I'm in love again. But with whom? Wow....whoever thought I'd be in this predicament. LOL, and I'm NOT complaining...well not really.
So, first...I spent my holiday with an ex. Not THE ex, not Mr., but my friend...you remember..the one who gave me the Indigo Girls song, the one who will always be there for me, hoping I can give him the love he wants from me. (see "Ghost") God, I DO love him. He's wonderful, funny, and then there's that history we share from when we did date, and when we were in love. But it's not just that...we get along because we have so little in common. We laughed alot because when we were eating lunch, he had a burger, and I had the bun, cheese, veggies and condiments. Like it was the ANTI burger to his burger. It was always like that with us. He liked cheesy b-grade horror flicks, I liked Out of Africa, and other chick flicks or intellectual and artistic flicks like Koyaanisquatsi. He hates cheese and Mexican, only likes meat...and plain meat. I hate meat and love cheese and Mexican. He's total left brain, I'm total right.  LOL, it was a riot. Anywho, he treated me like a princess this weekend, and I still love him for doing it. He is one of my best friends, and I will always look forward to spending time with him.
Well, and then there is Mr. I of course still love him, as everyone knows. Will always have a piece of my heart that belongs to him, no matter that he's a passaround, no matter that he shattered my heart. We joked this week that we still hold each others leash, and lately we've been doing alot of tugging, trying to rein in each other before we drift apart. Why? I dunno, maybe habit, maybe fear, maybe because we genuinely do love each other in some kind of sick, unhealthy, and miserable way and because we're both dysfunctional. We have these amazing conversations now. He got a blue tooth, and he laughs that he carries a Dot in his pocket because he calls me and he walks around the lot at his job and talks to me like I'm right in his head, and we talk forever, or at least until he gets a customer. We talk about everything, including our private relationships, and we talk about us, and we still try to make sense of the bullshit he created. But he called and left his message with THE words. He also said the words in my ear as a whisper, and he also shouted them at me as we, you know...well...anywho....
My God, then there is Malcolm. What to say. This week, I had alot of people trying to caution me from pursuing a relationship with him. He's just like Mr. they said, will never be able to be with just one person. He's just using you, they bark at me. Well, that may be true, I guess I'll have to see. So I spent the day with him today, and we talked about it. We talked about so much stuff, it's still all stewing around in my poor overtaxed brain right now. But we had an amazing day, even having combatted southbound traffic, and being disappointed when we initially got to our destination only to find that the party had been sort of canceled. But he's the ambassador, and he made everything great. He managed to make our mutual friend Jill happy and satisfied (as did I), and still got to spend a massive amount of time devoting himself to my own personal happiness and satisfaction. He'd said the words the last time we were together, but I kind of passed it off as a slip up during the deed. I know that the critical moment can make all kinds of shit fly out of your mouth, and I gave him the benefit of knowing that what we have together is beyond amazing, and could make a eunuch scream everlasting love. But today he was very free in saying it, AND in expressing it not only to me but to the people that were around us. He made me believe it for the very reason that he doesn't need to say it to keep my interest, and he knows that. I'm happy with our friendship, and our pace. I'm willing to go slow because my own confusion needs to be sorted out for his sake, to be fair. True he has as much baggage as I do, and that is almost a comfort because we can work together to help each other get over it. But he is so damn wonderful, and I wondered today, as I continued home why I worry about what we share.
So right now I'm glowing in love because three men that mean the world to me have said the words and meant it. I'm thanking the fates for showing me that a little agony is slowly leading to better days ahead, and I'm trusting in above to keep me wrapped in my little bubble at least a bit longer. Chris, Mr., and Malcolm...I love you all very much. Thank you each for making my heart full. So different, all of you. I wouldn't trade a minute of any of our times together for anything.

Possibilities

This week has seen me consumed with the possibility of getting back to work. I've had two interviews with a new company coming into Maine, a company that recruited me, and seems to offer everything I value in a company. Of course there are serious complications if I get the job...like training out of state for 10 weeks, and ohhh, what do I do with my kid? I've vowed to only concentrate on getting the job first, and saving the angst for afterwards so that I don't psyche myself right out of it.
The thought of starting over again is exciting, because I've had about enough of sitting at home and waiting for calls. The economy stinks, and even though the ads are out there for jobs, there are SO many people out of work that employers need to wade thru piles of applicants before they can find ME. And there are also tons of people who command a lower salary than I do because they can do the job but have less experience. But the reality is I'm a single income family, and I have to maintain my requirements for money simply because at the end of the day, I've got to be able to pay the bills. It's been fun lounging about, but now the money is getting tight because my safety net is used up and I'm relying solely on unemployment....ouch!
So I've passed the first two interviews, and my third, and hopefully final one is next Friday, the 11th. In Boston. Fun. I'll be taking the bus down because between the cost of fuel and tolls, it's cheaper to do it that way than to drive. I'm nervous, and curious, and excited all at the same time.