Carnival Ride

I woke up yesterday morning at 6:15 am, awakened by the phone as it played out Space Odyssey by David Bowie. I was confused, of course, because our alarm usually goes off at 7:20, and I'd gone to bed stupid late the night before, unable to sleep, and sorely frustrated. It was beautiful out, I noticed, as I answered the phone. It was Malcolm, waking me to ask if he could spend the day with me. "I want to take a vacation day, and just spend the day with you, it's so beautiful..." In a sleepy sexy voice, I answered "Of course, I want you to." He was so happy, and told me he'd call when he left Portland. I drifted off back to sleep, a contented smile on my lips, and dreamed of him, dreamed of not being ready when he arrived, and waking again at 7:20 with my heart pounding. I got Juju ready for school, and of course she picked that morning to be groggy and ugly. Poor baby has a hard time when she has to take allergy meds the night before. I finally got her off to school, and started picking up the house quickly...well, at least making it look less of a disaster. I figured I'd be able to jump in the shower when he called to tell me he was leaving, and I'd have plenty of time to do all those pre-date girlish things...like wash, and shave, and fix my friggin hair. The phone rang, finally, at 8:45, and it was him...."I'm downstairs, let me in?" GAAAA!! I was in my filthy lounge dress, with coffee grounds littered down the front because I'd missed the filter basket somewhat, hair all disheveled, and HAIRY FUCKING LEGS!!! LOL.
My god he's beautiful, the kind of attractive that any woman will stop and turn her head for. The kind of attractive romance writers employ to describe their Alpha Male heroes. And he was in a racing jacket, and riding a motorcycle, no less. Holy God. Five eleven, all slender grace and roped muscles, with that beautiful dark complexion that most men don't use to their advantage. And he had completely rescheduled his day around just for me.
He laughed, and chucked me under my chin...kissed the bejeezus out of me in my own driveway making the neighbor laugh on the other side of the fence. And his bike plate says? "UGLYDUC" LOL. His bike, a Ducati, he considers one of the uglier models they've produced.
So I asked, "Why did ya buy it then?" Apparently it's da bomb, that's why. I changed quickly because he decided we needed a field trip to the grocery store to get staples for our adventure. He is an amazing companion. He always walks beside me, tailoring his gait to mine, keeping his hand on the small of my back, or grabbing my hand to lead me somewhere new. Women looked at us as we walked, and I tried very hard to ignore all the looks that virtually screamed "What the hell is HE doing with HER?". Even our 60-something checkout lady asked him for ID on his lager, and he has grays in his goatee. LOL, she was embarrassed, and giggling, and flirting with him, and it was adorable that he could inspire this woman to blush at 9 AM. And still, on the way out of her checkout line, he placed a kiss on my temple, and grabbed my hand. He knew, and he let me know that I was his priority. Amazing.
Back at home, he'd brought a movie, and a thoughtful selection as well. It was Martian Child, and I swear, someday I'll actually watch it. He wouldn't let me shower, but when he'd gone outside to smoke, I'd raced to the bathroom to at least wash up in the sink. He liked the leg hair. My god...I've always dreamed of a man that wouldn't be obsessive about my shaving, because quite frankly, I hate it. He liked it, he said it was invisible, for one, and tickled when he kissed my legs, for two. I think he must be perfect. LOL
The rest of the day, well, isn't fit blog material quite frankly. I may turn it into a story, but there are things tugging at my mind about it that make me uncomfortable still. Things that I think about that I'm not sure I want to think about. He's my friend, and I cherish how he makes me feel important. But it's hard to look at a man who is such an amazing package and not wonder about....the fairytale. I told him I am a woman who enjoys clarity in her life, but even he admitted that the water was becoming increasingly murky where our friendship was concerned. Something is changing, happening, and I'm terrified of it right now. I told him I just want to take it the one day at a time, relax, enjoy our friendship, and be cool. I am a liar.
He claimed me yesterday. Branded me, marked me as his. He knows exactly what he did. He has become an opiate to me, and I want so much. I want it all, and he isn't saying no. We are infinitely compatible...share the same political views, are both college grads in art, with higher ed after that to make a living, and have so much to talk about. We have kids in the same age range, and share the same views on how to raise them. But this is about more than that. This is about a man looking a woman in the eye and breathing into her mouth, "You belong to me". It both thrilled me and terrified me to my soul.
I'm not sure what the entire ramifications are...after all, I'm still trying to be cool as a cucumber. But I have been thinking that his claiming me is his way of showing me that the Ride I was on with Mr is done, and he is tugging me, urging me, to step onto his Ride now. His infinite patience is still there, he still knows the feelings I have are making me uncertain, and hesitant. But he's opened the door wide, and his ride is waiting for me. He talks of all the things we will do together, and paints a canvas of amazing potential, of a true merging of like minds finding happiness in dreams I'd long ago abandoned. I'm looking in your door Malcolm, and the ride looks really scary, because it's everything I've ever wanted. Please be patient with me, I don't want to get hurt again.