Some Neil Diamond

I love listening to the radio or a CD when I drive. It makes me think, makes me remember, makes me sing along. Sometimes a song comes out of left field and brow beats me into really thinking about the lyrics. Alot of times I still think of Mr with some of those songs..."our songs" as you would have it. But more and more, Malcolm finds his way into these songs, and again, my winter heart explodes. The other day, it was a Christmas song by Neil Diamond and the words that struck me were:
"When people ask how we've stayed together, I say you've never let me down.
You make it feel like Christmas, even when things go wrong ..."
So, seeing as how I've been on a roll, last blog notwithstanding, of talking about my feelings of the season, I thought it was very fortuitous that this particular song whapped me in the head.
I thought it ironic that the one major attribute that Malcolm has always shown me, without fail, is that he won't let me down. My everlasting gripe with Mr was that he so frequently did, and swallowing that constant sense of disappointment , I think, leads to ulcers and such. It also leads to expecting everyone to BE disappointing, it leads you to expect less so that you won't be hurt. Malcolm has always come through for me in whatever way was humanly possible. Our plans haven't always been kept, but the alternative he's given me has always been more than enough for me to trust in him to be there and keep me happy. But what's more than that is the lyric about how "you make it feel like Christmas, even when things go wrong". That spoke volumes to me about what loving and being in love is, and what Christmas can and should be.
We spent last night together, so most of you know I've had little to no sleep. LOL, I can't be upset, because stealing whatever time we can together is too important. In the quiet afterglow, Christmas lights and scented candles, with mess cleared and showers taken, we hunkered under the covers cuddling, and talking softly about how he is Belief and I am Hope. He loved the analogy, and felt I'd nailed it. We talked about his love of winter, of the way the air looks and smells right before the fat snowflakes begin to fall, the sky pink as the low clouds absorb the town lights and reflect them back. It is very quiet then, and even more quiet as the first layer of accumulation blankets the earth. I was surprised, though, at his admission that more than that, he loves the morning after when the sun refracts off of the immaculate snowbanks and the world is blindingly bright and pristine. Another of our dualities....I am the winter moon to his sun. He does make my life feel like Christmas. Things won't always be perfect. If they were, they wouldn't be real. But his loving and generous heart know how to negotiate a deal that makes both of us happy. He pushes me outside of my comfort zone. I am learning to let go, and trust again. We also decided that next year will be a time when we need to decide how we will deal with the distance issue. It sucks the way it is, and I don't want to live apart from him. He feels the same, but our unique circumstances each carry some heavy baggage. Being caretakers means not always thinking about our needs first. I don't know what the new year promises, but I'm glad that the Ice Prince sits on the throne next to mine and shares the burden of responsibility.