Reinventing the Self

Now that I'm finally feeling recovered from all the surgery, infection and whatnot, it's been an incredible week for me to really come around full circle and remember the strong, independent, sexy, and formidable woman I was. This week saw me off the meds and feeling 1000% better. I started working again, and the nation elected a new president. I've had a makeover session with my great friend Chris, and lost some weight. I'm loving what I see now, and feeling better than I have in a long time. I feel playful again, naughty. I feel rambunctious, and eager to have fun with my mate. I'm looking forward to the social events again, and in the meantime, having an absolutely fabulous time with my new job. Having worked for LL Bean in the past, it's really hard not to work there and NOT pick up their infectious spirit of optimism. They are such a positive company, and feel so strongly in supporting their employees, their #1 resource. It's a fun time, not too difficult, and cummon...who wouldn't like to shop with people all day long? I'm also being a therapist again, with a couple of new clients, and also shipping gift baskets again. Something I should have started up back in April. Hindsight.
Things with Malcolm remain amazing. He's in my corner, even when his own challenges threaten to overwhelm him at times. He's my cheerleader, he's my quiet storm, he's my safe haven. And what do I offer him? I'm his devil's advocate, I'm his dose of laughter, and I'm his genuine heart.
I finished deleting Mr from all my lists for the last time. No reason to keep a bad memory around. Much better to flush it from my system so that I can move on without always looking back. I know his bitch still stalks this page...I can tell from my hit count. But the reality is that I can't do anything about that trash. She's such a low life that she continues to need to see what I "might" say about him or her, it's fucking pathetic. They really do deserve each other, and I've known that in my gut since January. That's the real lesson here folks. When your gut is speaking strongly.....LISTEN TO IT. It's usually right. All the second chances I gave him, all the money I wasted on him, all the time lost and heartache gained....That's the price of the lesson. For the over 2000.00 I handed out to him in his times of need over the past 5 years, I know that it's all gone. The greatest part is that he's managed to get at least that much out of his thing, and she'll never see a dime of it either. Again, like Judge Joe Brown says...it's the cost of the lesson learned. Leave it behind. Expensive lesson in so many ways. So the next time I'm seeing little red flags in my mind, I'll listen and remember Mr., and how that went. And I'll be better off for it. So in that respect, thanks for teaching me what to look for and avoid.
Like one of my new 360 friends blogged, you can't always blame the new woman in your ex's life. It takes two to cheat, true? Bravo on your words, they rang true to me, and I would just add that sometimes you can blame both. Women who knowingly continue to pursue involved men deserve all the venom and blame that's put out there. But as I walk the footprints of my new life, I realize that it's all a grand circle of events. He lied about and cheated on his wife to get with me. He lied about and cheated on me and got with bitch. He'll lie about and cheat on her when he meets someone new and exciting from his OBC page, or his TRUE.COM page, or any of the countless other sites he uses to hook up with. Cheater's cheat, and liars lie. It's as certain as death and taxes. To Mrs D....I still care about you, and love you, and wish you all the best in life. Peace, and my everlasting humble apology for my part in this fiasco.
To my new partner - you have, with your patience, understanding, and humor seen me through this hard time in my life, and persevered to be there for and with me. Words can't convey enough about how much that has meant to me. It is my honor to be your lady with my whole heart....no regrets, and no looking back. Like I told you before, and I'll continue to shout it to the mountaintops....When you've been in a Bentley, Chevrolet just doesn't cut the mustard anymore, and you realize how sorry it really was in the first place.
I love you.