Facebook

Last night I discovered the social networking site Facebook. I typed in my info, was a bit alarmed they wanted my real name, but whatever, I've go nothing to lose. They wanted my yahoo passwords which I refused to give, and then asked for my schools attended, and year of graduation. So I entered it. I've done it before on Myyearbook.com, and a couple other "yearbook" sites, and never get a thing. But in they went, and I started seeing faces of people I've not seen since probably 1989. WOW! So I connected with a few, and have started a conversation with someone that has been on my mind the last few years. LOL, he's just as cocky and outrageous as I remember him to be, and just as much fun. But in all of this, I realize how paltry my resume will look to others at this point. Or is that my own outlook and insecurity?
Gosh, I've done alot. I'm a painter and sculptor, glass blower, massage therapist, florist, barrista, operations manager, HR manager, and a sales manager. I'm a mom, a writer, a crafter, a sewer, and a girlfriend. WHY doesn't all that seem like it should be impressive enough??? Well because right now although I'm a girlfriend, I'm not married and settled. And even though I can do any job in creation, I can't seem to get one. Damn shame that. I'm broke, living with my mom (or is she living with me? I can never get that straight). So I feel all that negative weight bearing down on me 24/7, and why? Because my family breathes only the negative stuff about me whenever I see them. I'm not an accomplished woman in my family, I'm an out of work loser failure that got pregnant without a husband, and now sleeps around. LOL, if they only knew.
I know my life will get back on track, but it's hard to know when in this economy. There are solid reasons I'm not employed, reasons that prove I'm not just slacking off. The highest unemployment rate in 25 years, for instance. More statistics added by the day, week, and month, and the auto industry poised on the brink of elimination and even MORE layoffs. It's bleak, but I'm still sending out applications. I visited this topic before, concerning reunions, and what everyone hopes for at theirs. We all want to prove ourselves to our classmates. Competition, I suppose leftover from the jock and cheerleader days. I try to keep into consideration that I just AM. I am ME, and that's enough. Truly, even though my employment right now is limited, I've found this time away from work and the daily grind refreshing. I've come to love being a mom, although I still hate playing Barbies. I've enjoyed being reflective, enjoyed the writing time. I'm sorry I wasted alot of the time getting sucked into the internet hour after hour instead of tending my yard and house. My bad.
Today I'm enjoying my coffee, and cheering that I'm a barrista. I love my coffee, and love that I don't make a pot that would cause someone to cough up two buttons, like I did in College. I pulled my Starbucks Holiday mug out of the cupboard today, and ground the beans, and watched my french press make a most exquisite brew. Yum. I've decided to seek more part time jobs during the holidays. I just simply need more money, and since I don't have a REAL job, then fun little seasonal jobs will have to do. I'm thinking tending bar at Starbucks part time would suit me fine. It's tough work, but I love it, and I'll make a little money for juju's winter coat, which she so desperately needs. And Boots, and and and...it goes on and on. Kids really are money pits.
So, my highschool friends, YES I'm doing menial tasks, and YES I've had a rough year, but damn it all, it builds character, and I'm doing what needs doing to get through to the other side. Perhaps that makes me the greatest success of all. To my family: thanks to those that support me, and fuck you to those that don't.