Day After the Day After

I had a heartfelt conversation with My BFF via the phone this morning. He was following up on a conversation he'd started last night when he called and woke me up from the sleep of the dead. He couldn't talk much last night because he was, well...BUSY. LOL Ya dog, you do make me laugh some times. But he did reassure me he wasn't angry, and that he'd had to exact damage control quickly because his date's words were getting loud and angry, and well....embarrassing him. Having a relationship with Mr is confusing. We still love because we talk about it daily. I am after all his "Dot in the Pocket". But what I've gained by leaving him and no longer being his girlfriend is the ability to still love him as my best friend and soul mate, and no longer be hurt by all his infidelities. Some men just are not happy with monogamy, and nothing you can say or do will change that. He's not a bad person, just a greedy one. LOL I love my current boyfriend. We have really bonded and shared ourselves to a new level after this weekend, and I would never want to hurt him. It has come to a point where the men must meet, be introduced, and see what happens from there. What I love about Malcolm is his ability to take care of me and love me for who I am. He provides for me, protects me, coddles me. And he accepts my relationship with Mr for what it is, and all it is. It's come to a point, though, that I want him included. I don't want to hide anything from Malcolm, I don't want to "cheat". I wish it could be a foursome, but that will never happen until Mr finds a compatible girl. Meanwhile, introductions will be made, and the three of us can be friends.

I Won!!

It's a very simple statement. I win! I won! And it is so appropriate to me right now because I won so much last night that it was mind altering. Last night was beyond any experience I've ever had, with Mr or since him, and Malcolm and I....wow. Wow, we really took our relationship to the next level.
So what did I win? Well, first and foremost, the night of my life. It was a new group of people, and being there with Malcolm was the best. He smoothed the path with everyone, was entertaining, was solicitous of me in every respect, and made sure my EVERY want, EVERY need was taken care of before I could even name it. He was by my side, holding me, kissing me, claiming me, and relaxing me every minute of the night. He even poked the bear for me, what a doll! If I decided I was "into" something...or someone, he went to arrange it for me. Nobody said no to him....he is magical. I really, honestly can say I love this man.
What else did I win? I won the esteem of a whole new group. I was their darling last night, and I so treasure my new friendships. In particular, one new friend I've been cultivating that had the opportunity to be with Mr. She (and her husband) was my very special friend last night, and more than anything, vindicated my thoughts and feelings about bitch being a poser wannabe and not really having any true intent to enter the lifestyle as a bifem. My friend went on a "date" with them, and picked it out right away....the lack of interest seemingly about compatibility, yet after 7 months of partying every weekend and still not a full encounter to talk about...it was very clear to both husband and wife that the real intention is about mimicking me, and controlling Mr. ..... Poor Bastard. Malcolm says he feels sorry for him. I was sorry I'd had to ignore him because it's not right. He's my bff, and though I was trying to avoid a confrontation, I only succeeded in I don't even know what. What is true though is that half the room saw the dirty looks she shot to my special friend and her husband, AND to Malcolm. I never saw those looks because I refused to make eye contact. I'm glad I missed them because I may have become angry that anyone would dare disrespect my date like that. It made for some interesting conversation after they left, anyways. I refused to comment and infuse an already loaded situation with more drama, but Malcolm said he finally understood what I'd been saying all this time, and my special friend and her husband supported me and vindicated me.
We've been invited back to the next party by our hosts who loved us. And we love them too. What a great pair, and honestly, much love to them for doing what they do. We hope to return their kindness 10 fold. I'm still reeling with everything that last night was. I'm exhausted...we got there at 8:30 and left around 3:45 am. Got to sleep around 5 am.... It was the best night of our life.
Mr knows last night was a disaster for him socially. I'm sad he had to leave before someone could make a total ass of herself...over what I have no Idea since I was there with my own escort. Perhaps the reality that I'm a popular fun girl was too much to take. That my man is hot beyond reason was too much to digest, that my experiences eclipse her every imagining was overwhelming. Malcolm thinks that she is just so bitter and angry that she doesn't want me to have anything, hence her dagger eyes at him and my special friend. It was juvenile, and unfortunately the Maine Lifestyle Community is quite small, and people have long memories of Who creates Drama, and Who creates Pleasure. There really was no contest in light of that criteria. My record in the lifestyle speaks for itself.
But I am 10.00 richer!!!!! LOLOLOL
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Anticipation

A part of me is worried that I'll jinx it...like I did the last Merava Party. But I can't help but put into writing my hopes and giddy feelings about tomorrow night. I anticipate an unbelievable evening, with Malcolm making it every bit as mind blowing as an event can be. He is the universal ambassador, so smooth, so sure and easy going. A girl can't help but have an amazing time with him in tow...he's a natural. He delivers. And he's so damn easy on the eyes.
Today Mr & I had a conversation about tomorrow because, as it was inevitably bound to happen in the small community we both belong to in Maine, we have both decided to join this event. I confess, I was nervous when Malcolm & I made the final decision. But it's him & I this time, no worries, no hangups. I'm leaving my baggage outside the door when I arrive, and the night belongs to unbridled pleasure. I promised to behave in the best and only way I know how....by being myself and having an amazing time. When I'm at one of these events, and things go really well...I give myself over wholeheartedly, no holds barred. Mr once told me he loved me for being able to do that, to give of myself like that even when I'm nervous or scared. It is probably one of the best parts of me, and I'm looking forward to indulging it again. Malcolm makes it easy because it dazzled him too, made him love me too. And he loves to see me washed away with the moment until nothing in the room exists except what he is creating between him and I. There is so much that Malcolm and I want to do together. We talked about it the other day, what was most pressing on our minds....what we wanted to do more than anything, what our deal breakers for the evening would be. LOL...no messes was mine!!!
As far as Mr goes...you have my word that nothing will start with me. I know too many of these people to concern myself with causing havoc. I will be causing havoc anyways, just by enjoying myself and doing what it is I do. However, I did promise our hostess that I'd keep my mouth quite busy for the evening. I'll fore go the bear poking and leave it to you...you seem to be excelling at it of late. Well, you did learn from the best, did you not? LOL I sincerely hope Mr has the time of his life tomorrow night, enjoys himself immensely, satisfies his every craving and random wood, and leaves remembering why he loves the lifestyle to begin with even though he's questioned it so much of late. Peace, BFF.
OHH, and BFF....as to our earlier conversation....
I knew when I saw you at the Flower Convention, after I thought you'd gone home because the "Leather Girls" had called you Daddy one time too many, and the gay lead designers were glued to you like white on rice. I knew when you called me silly and told me you'd never just leave me like that. And I knew when you, even in the crisis of your homophobia, sat back at the table to enjoy one more bourbon with the "Leather Girls" because they were my friends, and it was important to me. It was 4 years ago, Sept. 11, at "our spot"....the Sheraton. So yeah... "I Remember the Time". Oh, and 4 years later...I'm still lusting after that freaking mattress!!!!

Avalon

Lately my blog and page have been as easy to find as the mythical Isle of Avalon from Arthurian Legend. I was quite concerned last night that it might have gone for good....when on all my friends pages I was listed as "deleted". Thankfully, after much patience, it returned, missing a few comments and some hit numbers, but mostly intact.
It made me catch up my blogs on Myspace, knowing that someday I may have to stop blogging on 360 altogether and move everything to Myspace. But the truth is that I really enjoy this platform better, because, quite simply, it is so much more user friendly. I don't have to jump thru hoops to paste a picture in, I don't have to read a manual in order to get a link in. I couldn't even transfer the last blog over because the survey format has a table embedded into it, and Myspace can't handle it. Which is probably for the best because my nieces would read it, and there would be hell to pay at the next family gathering, with me catching much ribbing, and being laughed at emphatically. Aunties aren't supposed to have better sex lives than their nieces and nephews. Ahh, the arrogance of the young.
I wasn't overly worried about losing this page, because I have taken precautions over the last 8 months or so when I heard Yahoo was going to integrate all their profile formats into one. It's very exciting that they are doing so, but I also knew that there could be glitches, and I have too many blogs to want to lose it all. The writings may tend to the melodramatic, but they are a form of art for me, of expression, of psychotherapy sometimes, and a chronicle of my life over the last few years. The few people who know how important blogging is to me can appreciate how it would perturb me to lose it all because of my own inactivity. So these same blogs, in all their glorious content have been, over the last 6 months at least, posted on my Myspace page, for all those readers to enjoy as well. That page actually does have protected content because it wouldn't bode well for Mr.'s daughters and son to get verification of his shenanigans...and they are HIS friends. But my huge gaggle of friends has been having a great time with them. I thank those readers for their lively comments! You guys make me laugh out loud some days!!!
So, with the grace of Brahma, I am here to poke the bear another day. To laugh, and flirt, and tease on 360 until it sinks me under the sea, where I will sing with the Atlanteans on Myspace.
LOLOL

I Stole a Survey!

I'll admit, I saw it first on someone Else's page...and it looked fun. Thanks to bbwplayground for posting it first!

The Ultimate SEX Survey
Do you like it rough or sensual?:	Both
Do you prefer to be with the opposite sex or the same sex? or both?:	Both
How often do you like to have sex?:	Very Often
Is sex a top priority for you?:	Sometimes /at times yes
Do you have sex face to face with your partner?:	Yes I prefer
How often do you get drunk and have wild, crazy sexy with a complete stranger?:	Prefer to do it sober
How do you feel about one night stands?:	Do one night stands exist in the lifestyle?
How many one night stands have you had?:	1
What's your favorite position?:	Doggy Style
Where's your favorite place to have sex?:	In a cool or air-conditioned area, LOL!
Do you prefer to make love or f*ck?:	Both
Have you ever watched porn while having sex?:	Yes
How long do you usually fore-play b4 doing the deed?:	As long as the mood is still there.
Do you get off first or do they?:	Both, depending who I'm with.
Do you like kissing during sex?:	Yes
Do you moan? If so, are you loud or quiet?:	Loud by nature, quiet if I have to be though, which sucks!!
Do you prefer your partner to be loud or quite?:	I at least want to know they are having a great time too.
Does size matter (for girlz-- dicks/for guyz-- boobs)?:	Yes and no...has to be big enough to get in, but it doesn't have to be monster sized.
How old were you when you lost your virginity?:	19
How many sexual partners have you have in the last month?:	2
What does your favorite fore-play include?:	Almost Everything
Do you ever play with yourself during the act?:	Been known too.
Do you prefer to sleep with randoms or one person?:	One person that I am connected to and love.
Have you ever done anal? If so, did you like it?:	YES and YES!!!
When and where was your wildest sex ever?:	Toss up between the Pool Swing and Merava NYE.
What's your ultimate sexual fantasy?:	Don't know anymore, discovering new stuff all the time.
Have you ever done porn?:	No
Have you ever had sex for money?:	No
Have you ever bribed someone to sleep with you?:	No
Is the sex still good when you're cheating?:	It can be.
During sex... what are you thinking about?:	Lots of things, my mind wanders and hopefully my partner is good enough to keep me focused. Sexual ADD?
Do you prefer the top or the bottom at first?:	Bottom
How many positions do you like to do during one episode?:	Many
Do you ever worry about how you're pleasing your partner?:	All the time, I LOVE doing an amazing job.
Could you live without sex?:	No.
How often do you find sex boring?:	When you're taking one for the team.
How long does a typical sexual episode last for you?:	Depends on the partner!
Do you like to perform oral sex?:	Oh hell yeah!
Do you like to receive oral sex?:	OMG, I do now!!!
Have you ever taped yourself in the act?:	Yes
Have you ever had a 3-some? 4-some? 5-some?:	I don't think we ever did a 5-some.
Have you ever had interracial sex?:	Yes
Have you ever been caught in the act? If so, by whom?:	Yep, my high school friends parents, and another time, my daughter.
Have you ever had sex while at work?:	N/A
Have you ever had sex while at school?:	College...my god it was a free for all there!
What is something that you would never consider doing?:	Anything that would hurt a child.
Have you ever had sex on drugs?:	Yes
Would you ever have sex in public?:	Yes
What's your biggest turn on?:	Having my neck or upper shoulders bitten hard.
Do you spit or swallow?:	depends
How many times have you gotten off in one night?:	I had to stop counting to focus on breathing.
Would you let other people watch you have sex live?:	done that
Have you ever had sex in front of your best friend?:	Yes, my partner was my best friend, but he did watch me with others, and LIKED it.
Have you ever had sex with your best friend's b/f or g/f?:	No
Do you ever have sex in the shower?:	not often
What's the weirdest place you've ever done it?:	Cemetery :)
What was the biggest age difference with a partner?:	11 years
Do you feel you're up to par in bed?:	Yes
Are you still gonna have sex when your 70?:	Absolutely
What was your most embarrassing sexual moments?:	LOL, those that know, know..but I'm not putting THAT into public record!
How old is "too young" to have sex your in opinion?:	15
Do you like to be completely naked or half-assed?:	Both
Have you ever done it at your grandparent's?:	no
Have you ever done it on a boat/yacht?:	no
What's the most public place that you can think of that you've had sex at?:	Fire Escape in Philly
Do you like having sex in cars? If so, driver seat, passenger, or back?:	No, unless it was my van.
Do you wear protection as often as you should?:	Yes
Has any of your one night stands resulted in a child that you know of?:	No
If your over 18, have you ever had sex with someone under 18?:	No
Do you prefer to sleep with someone older or younger than you?:	Older
What's the perfect size? (for girlz-- inches in dicks/for guyz-- cup size)?:	8 ish is really comfortable..big enough to fill ya up, not so long it knocks the back out.
Have you ever done bondage sex (chains,whips,etc.)? If not, would you?:	Yes
Have you ever slept with someone out of pity?:	Yes
Can you remember who gave you the best sex of your life?:	Yes, he still does!
If you could sleep with ANYONE, who would it be?:	I don't know...offhand, have to really think about it because both my ex and my current are 10's.

Must Be the Stars In My Eyes....

I can't say enough good things about the Tribute band Yellow Brick Road. ( http://www.tributetoeltonjohn.com ) They played the Balloon Festival this year, and WOW is really the best way to sum it up. We went this year, and even the backdrop to the concert was incredible. It was Moonglow, and the two huge balloons, the dragon and the panda, were inflated, glowing, and seemingly dancing along with the crowd. And WHAT a crowd!! Mr missed a good one this year...oh well, his loss! The rest of us had an unbelieveable time, with the organizers of Top Hats coordinating the sound for the show. Off to bed now, tomorrow is another HUGE day....

So Much FUN!!

OMG we had so much fun frolicking on the beach yesterday. LOL! I've not seen that many people crowded into such a smallish place in a long time, but everyone was so happy just to be out in the SUN. Even me, with my deathly pale skin, my penchant for burning in the moonlight...I couldn't have been more ecstatic about being out, and swimming, and being so free. Jujubear had a fantastic time. She's a natural in the water, always has been...just like her mom. She could swim without assistance when she was 2, and had done away with life preservers and floating devices by the time she was 3. I've always given her that freedom in the water because I recognize her potential and capabilities, while others have had heartattacks, including her dad. So we spent the whole afternoon jumping waves, body surfing, and then drying off in the warm sun. It was amazing! Well, I could have done without the sand.
Of course Juju couldn't leave without going on a ride or two, and she used her tickets wisely. She's such a mature child, yet she still has a few moments of being a little girl. She was very sure she wanted to go on a big girl ride, but she stood and watched it for a few moments, and she became quite frightened, and made the decision, all on her own, that she just wasn't ready for that. Poor baby...too big for the little girl rides, and still too young for most of the big girl rides. She's so...in-between right now. And I love her so much!
I got to spend some time with Mr & Mrs D afterwards...Juju was so happy to see her "family" again. I guess that will never go away...that we've come to a point that transcends "he said she said" to a place where we just are, almost like we're suspended, and timeless. It's odd, but he's relentless, and I can't run from him because he'd just come after me, grab me by the ankle, and haul me kicking and screaming back into his life. How do I know this? He's already done it once. LOL. Plus we have our project that we're working on, and his procrastination is killing me. I'm suspecting I'll have to go rape thru his house and just get the damn paperwork myself. Just like old times...MWAHAHAHA!
He wanted to introduce me to his daughters, which was redundant because we'd already met at his "coronation". But I'm glad I passed because good ole Brother...yes THE BROTHER, has apparently been calling me all sorts of wild juicy names in the past few months since "The Incident". I'll give Mr a bit of time to address the situation on his own, but this one does not go unaddressed. After everything, I certainly don't deserve the awful names he's assigned to me, and spread to Mr's daughters. No wonder Bubbles looked at me with a crooked eye the last time we were there. Shit, it's a wonder he was even civil.
This weekend is shaping up to be amazing fun. Friday is the free concert, Saturday is the Highland Games, and Sunday, my brother is performing at the Balloon fest. Every morning and evening, the beautiful balloons will fly over my house, and Juju and I will be outside to wave and cheer. Next weekend of course, Malcolm and I will be partying on Saturday. New crowd, should be interesting. But then, just having his company is always a joy, and finding another couple or single to add into our evening will just be a bonus to our already amazing evening. I hope to see lots of my friends at the festival this weekend, and hope to meet many more new ones next weekend when Malcolm and I debut at our first swing party together.