I'll admit it all...I was jealous, so jealous that it burned in the pit of my stomach. I felt betrayed, and humiliated, and stupid, and blind. My god I just wanted to rail at him, scream, and hiss venom, and crush him, like I felt he'd destroyed me. And then he spewed his fucking logic at me. So logical, so irrefutable. It made me laugh, which made me even angrier. So, to make it even worse, he apologized. Apologized not only to me, but to our friends who got caught up in the mess by the actions of a silly girl who is infatuated with my lover. So I thought about it all, because the doubts are still there, still burning at the base of my spine. I wonder what he's done with her, what kind of "friends" they are. Intercourse? Oral? Does it even matter, and should I retaliate? After 5 years of him, of being ecstactic with my best friend, the best lover (he trained up well!!), and the man who knows how to diffuse my time bomb temper, I don't want to walk away because his GOD DAMNED LOGIC has made me see that the scenario is ridiculous. Would he openly cheat in front of our good friends? Friends who love and cherish me, and would happily take him down in the parking lot if they felt he had hurt me? Well my goodness, no, even he isn't that stupid. And of course Len corroborated his story.
So, now I'm still feeling unfullfilled because I haven't had my fight. LOL. Yes, the steroids are talking hot and heavy, but maybe I wouldn't still have this unsettled feeling. He wants me to talk with this girl, to prove he isn't lying. I don't wanna. Really really! The last time I made a phone call like that it was a nightmare of drama. And I still laugh when I see his face and hear his choked "SHE DID W. H. A. T.?????" He did promise to take care of this situation. To "nip it in the bud". I guess we'll wait and see, and feel secure that "our" friends will always take care of me. I love u guys!!! And yes, you dear old freak, I love you too. Bastard.
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