What does one do when all your worst thoughts and suspicions are confirmed, straight from the horses ass, errr, mouth? I feel like I should be angrier, furious even. Yet I actually only feel a great deal of relief that he finally was coerced into telling the truth. Yes, he blubbered it out, all the ugly transgressions, which of course I already knew about because I manage him. So as a manager, I consider the reality, the direct effect to the overall whole, and the outcome. Then, I must consider what coaching and counseling might achieve to the desired effect, and the possibility that he might, in some laughable reality, change his evil ways and become the man he is meant to be...the one I want and need him to be.
Are we a good couple? In the overall given situation, we are a great couple. We complement and support each other, and shore up each other's weaknesses. He pushes me to explore outside of my comfort zone, to become more than I would otherwise settle into becoming. I help him reign in his bizarre tendencies to be overly gluttonous in areas of his life, and to remain focussed and realistic. He provides a very important father relationship for my daughter, who has finally come to love and accept him, after a rocky 5 year road between them, and he has stepped up to the plate to accept that role in her life even though he has no blood responsibility. He is, ultimately, Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde.
Over the years there have been lots of hmm, lets call them "free passes" to save names and identities. Mr has afforded himself lots of "free passes" and lately, as he approaches a milestone birthday, seems to be in a frenzy of collecting assorted women from wherever he can meet them. His midlife crisis is fullblown and roaring away. This latest "free pass" of his differed in that he allowed it to become serious, and then couldn't figure out what to do, and I was left in a position to accomplish damage contol.....again. We have always agreed upon an open relationship, as long as we were honest with each other and didn't compromise our core relationship. This is the real issue at hand...that he altered the truth to hide the extent of his activities. I am sorry for the other person who is very hurt. But the real truth is that there were many others. Three that I can think of off the top of my head in fact, and that doesn't include myself or my girlfriend.
I'm not blameless either. I've had some "free passes" as well. They were mostly retaliatory when his extracurricular activities became overwhelming. I enjoyed myself immensely with one of them, and found another sorely lacking. But I find this trend of ours tiring, and our vow of honesty with each other seriously needs to be re-examined. I know sometimes people get off course...christ, I certainly do in many areas of my life (mostly concerning housekeeping and dieting). But sometimes you need to take a step back, and either re-commit, or agree to walk away. I don't know where we are right now. A part of me hopes that 5 years isn't wasted, while another part of me wants death and pain to be visited upon the offender. Mostly pain.
I'm not a beautiful girl, or a thin one. I'm a terrible housekeeper, and not so very great at financial planning. But I have the gift of words, and the ability to see all the possibilities, and an ability to remain steadfast thru hell and beyond. I am a good mother, and a loyal friend. I also have the ability to network my way thru any industry or group. We'll see if these things can possibly stem the tide of his crisis. Then we'll see if he can stem the tide of mine.
Ohh, and this earned me a free pass. LOL
