Has this question ever plagued you? It has certainly been hanging around in my mind for oh....30 or more years now. I've had alot of flashes of inspiration, and had times that I was sure I knew. For instance, when I was 8, I knew I wanted to be a singer. I had a great voice, got lots of compliments, and also had perfect pitch and the ability to sight read music. What a great career choice! So I practiced, and sang, and even joined a professional classical choir when I was 15, and toured with them all over the state of Maine the winter of my highschool freshman year. There is a but coming. I loved it, I was great at it. But I wasn't properly trained at it, and I had recently begun using an asthma inhaler. Being the lead alto in my group, I strained myself that winter and developed nodules on my vocal chords. The asthma drugs keep me nice and horse now...not so great for a singing career, although if I began to practice again, and took pain killers to get over the throat pain, I could do it reasonable well. But that's not a career choice, is it.
So after that debacle, I knew I wanted to be an animator. I loved cartoons. I was great at art, won prizes, took advanced classes, and even got accepted into one of the great art schools in the country. I finished my four years, got a degree in Painting and Drawing. I lost the animation dream after I realized I wasn't the kind of person to enjoy a tedious repetitious task. I never really knew what I'd do with my art once I graduated. The gallery life never did hold much allure for me, and the idea of being a virtual financial captive to one was horrifying. My art was mediocre. I couldn't fully embrace the abstract, and the art world doesn't accept anything to do with country. Realism, which was my strength when I started became my greatest weakness. My art was too emotive, too colorful. Too full of....me. I think, in the end, it became a therapeutic way for me to work thru my drama and find a better me on the other side. Maybe.
I also knew I wanted to be a Massage Therapist. It was one of those out of the heavens inspiration, probably based on a wicked recessive economy, and a desire to be able to live in the mountains, a one time dream of mine. I did indeed become a therapist, completed the certification course, and practiced. However, I coudn't afford to be a therapist because the additional education killed me financially. So I became a retail manager. Still am, and I do like what I do...very much. But I still feel like I haven't become what I'm supposed to be when I grow up.
I'm a mother, a manager, a significant other. I love to read. And I love to write. So my latest inspiration is to become a writer. I know what I want to write...I think. I love romance. But I don't know if I could write a romance. I think I might need to be edgier than that, and tackle topics that romance readers don't want to tackle. I want to write about big women, and black men, and interracial relationships. I want to be funny, and i want to relay my truth, as its been for me. So as I think about these ideas, or ideals, I realize I don't have even a bit of a clue as to where to start. I think perhaps it requires more reading :)
