I was sitting in my office at Geiger, reading and responding to emails. My partner in the office got a call from his wife, and he had this incredulous laugh, then "WHAT??" "Get the fuck OUT!" So he looks over at me, and says, "Hey Dot, they just bombed the Pentagon". I was like, Dennis, shut the fuck up! We were chuckling about it because we were sure it was a joke. Who in Christ would bomb the pentagon, right? Then he says, "Holy shit, they bombed the World Trade Center again too!" Our office was the first to hear of it, and everyone walking by was like "What?", "Who?". This was at the dawn of web videos, so, since I was an internet researcher, and I had one of the faster computers in the building, I went to msn.com and tried to pull up the video...I remember having people standing behind me trying to see the screen, but I was looking at the rough footage so closely, I just remember seeing the computer. It didn't seem real...it was far away. We had a voice come over the intercom then from the president saying any who were concerned about their families could leave. I just shook my head and said, why would anyone want to leave work? It didn't happen here. I just was so disconnected. Felt so immune to what was going on. We all left early that day anyways, and when I got home and really saw....
Then the information started filtering in...
They had been in Maine....
They had photographed Bath Iron Works
We had a shipyard and a naval air station, we weren't safe, or immune.
And then I remember watching the images over and over again. Watching the towers collapse, and realizing that not everybody was out yet. Calling friends and family in the Midlantic Region to make sure they were safe, and alive. Watching the economy collapse. No cargo moving, all borders sealed. I remember trying to reroute shipments to no avail.
I lost two relatives that week. Not directly to the tragedy...My uncle finally had succumbed to parkinsons and alzheimers about 5 days prior, and 1 day after 9/11, my 100 year old grandfather died, of no known cause. I still believe he saw the images on TV and said to himself "fuck this, I'm out of here". He hadn't spoken to anyone because of his alzheimers for many years, so we'll never know for sure.
So, I'm reading all these posts about conspiracies, and terrorists, and George W....and I see and feel all the anger on the left and right sides...towards the casualties, and the terrorists, and the gov'ment, and the lies. And I know that positive change cannot come about without first uncovering lies, and reality...if there is any to uncover. See, after going to Wikipedia to read up on the Reichstag Fire, it became clear to me that there are still many unknowns about THAT event. Things we will never know for sure. I believe the same is true for 9/11. I remember reading that the easiest way to make the people eager to give up their rights is to keep them afraid. Make them believe that they are not safe...ever, or anywhere. I also know that if the general public knew a quarter of the info that the govment hides from us...we would panic 24/7.
So, the world is not safe.
I held my 21 month old baby in September 2001, after everything had happened. 6000 + dead, anthrax in the mail, and I cried every night...
and I was sorry I had brought her into the world. Into the mess, and the chaos. I want to share an except from my Mother's Diary to Julia, my Daughter:
"Oh, my beautiful baby. I love you so so much. Our world is so uncertain now, and I have so many fears that eat away at me. I find myself squeezing away tears daily and praying to every god and power above that you stay safe. More than 6000 people dead and missing. Yesterday we officially retaliated and began World War 3. I am so sorry i have brought you into this crazy world. I feel that we are near the end. We will not win this war. So many will be lost in addition to those who have died already. So many souls departing the earth. My fear is that I will not succeed in keeping you safe. I cannot imagine watching you suffer. I would follow you to the ends of the earth, and that includes into death. My solution to my fears is to live life to the fullest with you, and cherish you every day. It is a disturbing reality when every cloud looks sinister and menacing, and an airplane flying overhead is no longer a happy sight. I want to
feel hope for the future, but I just can't."
OK, so...
If we think about all we have lost as a people, our loved ones, our economic stability, our confidence. What can we DO. The anger, I think, towards the gov'ment and the conspiracy theories are caused by an inability to DO anything to make a difference. Did George lie to
start the war? Yes he did. So, we establish that fact and decide on a course of action. Yet, amazingly, the United States has been plagued by an inability to do anything except become angry. Point fingers. Divide our loyalties. Return to the mundane like nothing has really
happened at all. It wasn't all a lie. And we will NEVER know what really really happened. But I want to move past all that...
I want to DO.
It would be so fantastic to reunite our country, forget our petty indifferences, and come together to solve our shared problem.
You see...I have a daughter to keep safe.
Dot
