Entry for March 16, 2007

Oftentimes things or people in our lives come back around to remind you of the little slips off lifes true course you have taken. They come to remind you about what you already know, deep inside, but have forgotten because of all of life's dandy little sidetracks. So I had a reminder that the universe will take care of the freaks because they are destroying their own karma with the vileness of their own thoughts and actions. I can't be bothered, I won't be harrassed, (nice try tho bitch), and I am above the sophomoric actions of a twentysomething child. I feel bad for her mama, who must be suffering just knowing the kind of person her daughter has become. I simply need to trust my intuition better, LISTEN to the gut feeling instead of trying to squash it with logic, and ask for the things I want and need in my life. I asked for the job, I got the job. I always follow my inspired revelations, yet lately I find myself content. What do I want? Where do I see myself in five years? It is still the unanswered question. There is still much progress to be made, and I still would rather hide under a rock than finish it. But it is near completion, and I need only have courage to face an ending....an ending which has most honestly led me to better places in life. There is something to be said about facing life and waiting for the surprises around the corner. However, I'd like to at least know that when the surprises do come, they are actually something that I will really enjoy this time! Oh yeah, and the secret....
Don't forget to remember. LOLOLOL. Just freakin kidding! Thoughts create things. Thats all. I do like that first one better tho...thanks to Scott T for that one. You are a freakin riot!

Entry for February 21, 2007

So I have this great friend....one who I changed employment for because when he asks, I can't say no. I see him hurting right now because of the two aforementioned freaks, and I feel violent and vindictive. How dare they cause him this kind of mental and professional agony for their own personal amusement. Apparently they don't understand that when he hurts, I compensate the person doing the hurting. Get ready ladies, your final days are at hand.

Entry for February 11, 2007

Just a shout out to let everyone know that if you're gonna buy flowers for V-Day, please support your local florist!! These people are skilled artists that deliver a great product with a satisfaction guarantee. Don't waste the service fees on stupid sites like 1-800-flowers. Oh, and did you know, if you order at a place like proflowers.com, you have to buy the vase separate! And hey, do you really want Fed-ex delivering a cumbersome box of dehydrated roses to your lover at his/her job??
Anyways, that's my rant for today! Flowers are beautful living works of art. Buy Local!

Entry for February 02, 2007

Heading off to a wake....Even tho we weren't close, it is such a reminder to treasure the people you care for when a relative passes. It's like a huge family reunion this weekend, all the "parantee" from Canada is here. I guess I gotta scrape out my french, and get ready!
Love to all, well maybe I should say love to most since i still can't spread all that much love to some freaks!!! LOL

Entry for January 31, 2007

So, January is ended, and resolution to my aforementioned situation is concluded, to a semi happy turn of events. I've allowed myself a breath, some space, and can focus on what isn't right. I can't really affect the outcome, aside from walking away, and I still find myself reluctant to do it with finality. However, I do recognize that he is setting himself up to be able to get caught, and allow the situation to boil to a head without confronting the responsibility of actually being in the situation to begin with. That's kinda sucky, and smacks of fear, but in the end, not my call. My cowardice is staying.
Yeah, I love. Big deal, right? I'll revisit in a month and think about it some more. In the meantime, I'm using my breath, my space, to have fun with my friends.
You know...my job. I've never had to pop so many Advil a day for a very long time. I was broke when I owned the shop, but I didn't have to deal with super-freaks. Now, please understand that when I say superfreak, it's not in a trite or sexual context. I'm saying these people are so fucked up, so damn perturbed, that they make my life look lily white and squeaky clean. Now that takes some doing! I have never dealt with so many drama queens, and people needing to be co-dependent. I think I'm going to start leaving random slips of paper with self-help titles in people's mailboxes so that they can begin to recognize their afflictions. So, the role of a manager is to coach and council, right? Here is my coaching and counciling - I don't pay you freaks to have issues at work. And if you can't leave your issues at home, and come to work and actually work, then don't come to work at all. I won't miss you.
There's MY rant!

Entry for January 01, 2007

Wow, so all the holidays are done now, thank God. My New Year's party was memorable, to say the least. Sometimes it's hard to live with such unbelievable disappointment. Harder yet when it's doled out by someone you really care about. So, I'm not going to fixate on it because really I'm still too hurt and angry to say things that are not nasty. However, I am trying to remember that all things happen for a reason, hopefully a really good one. Maybe the flow of my life is just taking a new turn, and like last year when employment wise things looked a little bleak, great things transpired. I'm hoping that this new break will lead me to a brighter path. Cuz god knows right now I just feel sick inside....of course that could be from drinking myself into a stupor. LOL.
Keepin the faith,
Dot

Entry for December 23, 2006

Close to Christmas and still so many things to complete. The tree...which by the way is totally maxed out with lights this year and is nearly blinding in it's intensity, yet is devoid of ornaments :( And that damn garland around the front door...didn't manage that one either. BUT, I did get new lights for outdoors on the bushes, and new candy cane lights. I want to reconfirm that this new interest in outdoor lighting was NOT a competition with my neighbor, as I fully comprehend that I can never win against him. His house must be visible from the space station this year, and virtually casts a shadow on my house. LOL, it's stunning though, and the kids in the neighborhood love it, and that's all that matters. The scooby blow up doll was a little much. LOL
I'm feeling very Christmassy this year, and I can attribute alot of this to the two loves of my life. The first - little baby Julia, not a baby anymore but a little lady. She is definitely driving home the spirit. I asked her what she most wanted Santa to bring her, and after saying a Pony, and us having a discussion on how that is illegal where we live, she said: "Well, he always brings me really good stuff, so I'm gonna leave it up to him this year. He'll do fine." Of course that started me crying like a fool and she just looked at me like I was crazy. She didn't ask though, and probably knows not to anymore . LOL. The second is of course that crazy man. What an amazing thing he is, and he really has no idea the joy he brings to me everyday. So I'm finding myself getting all giddy and girlish inside (which, of course I can't stand that shit) but then all these damn Christmas songs too on the radio, and somehow it's always about us in some way. It's been such an up and down 3 years so far, and this year just is so different. I don't know what will happen tomorrow, or next week or next month....but I'm just happy that today I know that he loves me as much as I do him. What a great feeling!
Happy happy holidays, and a Merry Christmas to all our beloved relatives, friends, and children. P.S. My favorite holiday special is Nestor, the Long Eared Christmas Donkey!